A Lesson in Love

“In the best interest of the child” we hear this phrase associated with adoption a lot. We talk about how making the choice of adoption is in the best interest of the child – and many times it is – always when compared to the “choice” of abortion. We talk about how brave the birth-mother is for making a choice that puts her baby above herself – and she is! And we talk about how adoptive parents make the choice to walk out the financial and emotional sacrifices it takes to adopt a child – sacrifices deemed worth it because it is in the best interest of the child – and they are! Throughout this adoption process I had heard the phrase and knew it needed to apply to me but didn’t see Andrew and I as having much say in the matter besides the willingness to say yes and bring a baby home. I was wrong. The best interest of the child, and truly wanting the best for him or her, is so much more than that and I didn’t realize what that felt like until this weekend.

You see, 12 days ago Andrew and I received a call that all adoptive parents long for. A call that said we were chosen, matched, and that having a child join our family was now within our reach. We were chosen by a mother who had decided against an abortion and was scheduled to have a C-section just 14 days after we hung up. She wanted to know if we would adopt her baby. We answered with a resounding “YES!” and we sat back to watch God work. Over the next few days we celebrated with family, hurriedly painted the nursery and went shopping for clothes, diapers, bottles, and all of the other necessities needed to bring a baby home. We talked through names, thanked God for choosing us, and sat in awe of the fact that within just two more weeks we would have a son.

The financial cost was more than we had anticipated. Because of the situation and the fact that we were now dealing with two agencies we found that the final cost estimate was above our original budget. After some prayer and thought we realized that we couldn’t say no to this little boy because of a dollar sign. We have always been careful with how we manage money and really felt that God was telling us this was our baby and that He would provide. Did He ever! That afternoon was filled with reminders of His goodness and confirmation that we made the right decision. From extra and unexpected discounts on my car tires and at Babies R’ Us to His providing us a beach house to stay in with the baby free of charge – He made Himself evident in amazing ways. He had been planning for this baby long before we ever thought about adoption and He was reminding us of that fact and that He was in control of this story. Over the weekend we continued to prepare for our son to join us. We were so excited but, to be honest, something didn’t feel right.

This morning I was lead to 1st Peter during my quiet time. I have read and studied “You shall be holy, for I am holy” many times but today was the first time that I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to think about walking this out in my reaction to things I didn’t like or don’t understand. As I prayed for this baby, his birth-family, and our journey, I was overwhelmed by my love for this child that I had never met and wasn’t carrying. For the first time, I really understood what is was like to want the best for him – regardless of what it meant for me.

God’s timing is perfect and I am so thankful for His prompting and preparing my heart. Just moments after I finished speaking with Him about this family, this child, and this journey, I received a call from our agency. Needless to say, this call didn’t contain the same joy as the first. The birth-mother had changed her mind and no longer wanted to follow through with her adoption plan. This call came just two days before Andrew and I were supposed to travel to Florida to meet our son for the first time.

The call hurt my heart, not because I felt we weren’t good enough or was mad at the situation but because I truly loved this little boy and so desperately wanted to meet him. As I grieved for him though, I realized that I wasn’t grieving for him, I was grieving for me. While I would have loved to hold him and be his mom, I want what is best for him – not what I want in my so very limited knowledge and wisdom. I want that baby boy to be in the family God has chosen for him, whether that is me and Andrew or not. I want that child to grow up within God’s perfect plan, regardless of if that plan includes us holding him in the middle of the night, throwing ball in the backyard, or taking him to church. As I thought about the situation and continued to talk with God and Andrew about it, it struck me just how incredibly blessed we have been to be a part of his story, even if only for a few weeks. Just the fact that we know she was considering abortion and choose us instead makes this all worth it! If God used us purely to give her another option and to save that little boy – I would do it all over again. I love this child, and his mother, and am thankful for the opportunity to know their story and to be able to pray for them.

What we want in the end isn’t about us – it is about this baby. It took a “failed adoption” to make me truly realize what loving the child and wanting his or her best interest really meant. How grateful I am that His ways are higher than mine and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts! I would have brought him home, and we would have loved him with all of our hearts but God knows best and now he gets to grow up with the mother who gave birth to him. He gets to grow up knowing his half-brother. And I pray that he will grow up knowing that others love him as well. We have prayed all along that God would be glorified in our adoption journey and I feel that this is just a piece – a big piece, but just a piece of this puzzle. I miss this baby but am overwhelmed by my thankfulness of serving a God that I can trust, with my life and the life of this baby. A Lord that loves His children and hears our prayers. Please pray for that little boy, for his mother and for their family. Pray that God would use His child to do great things and that he would come to know Christ as his Savior. The enemy would love to use this obstacle to his own end – to cause hurt and depression and frustration and a lack of trust. Pray that Andrew and I would be shielded and that we would continue to turn to Him and trust Him with every part of our lives and the lives that will join our family.